Life and Divorce

Two years I've been away.  I guess my busy life has gotten in the way of my blog posting.  OK yes, I am still married and I still have a great family.  The past two years have been so busy.   Our family has experienced many ups and downs just like other families.  The many emotions of life can pick us up or pull us down.  We as individuals choose how to deal with the trials we experience.  I am choosing to deal with each trial head on.

Let's talk divorce.... I am not speaking in specifics about anyone or any particular experience, but want to share my views on the subject.  This subject is always on my mind.  Not because I want to have one in my life but because I have seen the heartache and destruction of the family first hand.  The first question is, why choose such a destructive path?  Why ruin the family unit for your own selfish wants and needs?  Did you think about the path of heartache you left behind when you made that decision?  Did you think about how many innocent lives you have destroyed or impacted because you were not happy.... NOT HAPPY?  BLAH BLAH BLAH.  Get over it!!!!   

First:  When I met my husband, I was 16 years old and a senior in high school.  I was very mature for my age, or so I thought at the time.  The point being, we discussed openly about marriage and the long term decisions that we would make together for the sake of our family.  We discussed how we would raise our children and how we would communicate with one another during the tough times.  We made the decision then and there that we were never going to speak of divorce, EVER!  It just wasn't an option.  We discussed that life was already hard enough without the impact of a divorced family.   We both came from parents who were married for a long time.  At the time, his parents for over 40 years and mine for 25 years.  Both having had their struggles from time to time.

Second:   Marriage is hard work!  It takes lots of elbow grease to make sure it runs smoothly and get through each and every day.   You have to be committed to the process and not ever think there's an option other than just following through on your commitment.  There is joy, anger, sorrow, frustration, sadness and illness.  There's wealth and poverty and most of all there is LOVE.  Love is something that doesn't happen over night. its a process that takes time to blossom and grow.  Love takes effort and patience and again commitment.   It is certainly not like in the movies as portrayed.  Yeah, we've had our share of problems! So far, we have overcome all obstacles because we made the commitment to work at our marriage to the end.
 
Third:  If you take care of your relationship between you and your spouse, then you'll be able to fully take care of the emotional needs of your family.  You need to put effort into your relationship, as it doesn't  just happen.  You need to water it, nourish it, and fertilize it.  How do you do this? Well, first, you need to remember that your spouse needs love, affection, intimacy, cooperation, patience, understanding.  Not just sometimes, but every day.  These are important needs of humans.  The one rule we have always tried to emulate is: Always try to think of how you can make your partners life better, one step at a time.  Try for one week the following:  Think of things you can do to serve your partner, like making the bed for them, or making their favorite meal, picking up their clothes at the cleaners, leaving a love note with a sweet treat, doing nice things for your partner.  Little things go a long way in showing how much you love and appreciate them.  In return, your partner (I guarantee it!) will reciprocate the gestures.  After time, doing for your partner will become part of your everyday life.  Each of you will feel the unselfish acts of kindness and service toward one another.  It's such a simple act of love that we have practiced this rule throughout our 35 years of marriage and it has been the most successful tool we have ever used.

Fourth:  Communicate.  What more can I say about this?  Keep your lines of communication open and talk about everything.  Never shut down the lines of communication.  Your partner deserves to share their hopes and dreams and their fears and concerns without the fear of criticism.  Talk openly about everything good and bad in the relationship. 

There's more, but this is a good start on sharing our success!

A wise man once said:  "Every Divorce is the result of selfishness on the part of one or the other or both parties to a marriage contract.  Someone is thinking of self-comforts, conveniences, freedoms, luxuries, or ease."

May God Bless You and Yours